My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
