sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
