i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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