I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize