six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You made out with two different species that night
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I did not marry a roomba.
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