He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
