return my video game
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
