wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
