White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i wish my penis had a tongue
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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