saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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