Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
