Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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