I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
