I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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