i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
