Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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