why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
