Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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