Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
