I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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