I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
