I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You ruined the universe
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize