She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
