If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
