He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
