hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
