im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
