Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
