I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Randomize
