FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
