ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
