note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
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i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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