I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
