I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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