Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
