I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
