The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
