Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have already put on my inside pants.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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