So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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