i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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