Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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