do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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