I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
