Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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