Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
