can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
