He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
