she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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