i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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