dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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