Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
