so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
