you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
