i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
