So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
