Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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