My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
