Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
