We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
