Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
