i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
