I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
