dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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