Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
