I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
