Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
