Where is the hickey?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
