my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
