she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
