she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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